Brawl's backstory. (opinions?)

I just recently revised it and saw that Jeryl put the updated version in his Official BackStory thread, but I never actually got anyone's opinions on this one.

Here it is:


Back in Reptheia, I thought I had it made. I was practically living in a bubble of protection that I created for myself, thinking nothing would ever go wrong. Little did I know the pages of my life were about to unravel in ways I never thought possible.


Shadow had been my best friend for years. We did everything together. Out of all of the many "friends" that I had, he was the only one who ever really got me. We linked on a level that might be even deeper than cellular. Sure, he lashed out at people sometimes; tried to start fights. I never really gave it much attention, and right now I'm thinking I should have. His problems stemmed way deeper than I could've ever imagined.

Things took a turn for the worse when Lily came into the picture.

She was the most beautiful thing I'd every laid eyes on, no doubt about it. Shoulder length brown hair that was always in a ponytail, eyes as blue as the sky, and her nervous little smile.

Shadow didn't take to her quite as well as I did, however.

He described her as a little parasite, trying to "suck the life out of our friendship for her own benefit." I called him insane, and after a few blows were exchanged, I considered him a part of my past for months, Lily becoming my main priority. How oblivious I was of the fact that he would soon shape my future into a bloody, distorted abyss of endless agony.

The day it happened, everything changed.

Shadow had killed her; thrown her against the wall and crushed her skull. I didn't even know he possessed the strength to do such a thing, but he proved to me he's more psychopathic than anyone ever thought possible.

If only I had been there to protect her. If only I knew how warped Shadow's mind really was...

Days later, a man named Sanaki appeared before me. I restrained myself from trying to attack him, because I didn't trust anyone anymore, and the way that he appeared out of thin air into my room didn't really help matters, nor the fact that he was clothed in such a bizarre way.

He extended his hand, and asked for me to aid the powers of harmony in the act of creating these things called crystals. Before I told him to get lost, he informed me that these crystals could give me the power to bring Lily back, and... enact my revenge.

I agreed to help without hesitation.


Thoughts?

I prefer it more then the other one with the team.....that seemed a bit...meh

Yeah I pretty much pulled the other one out of my butt, and not to mention I was typing it on my phone because my internet wasn't working.

I actually sat down and took some time with this one.

Itsa nice.I quite like it actually. Good job!

Love it Brawl.

Since I replaced the old one with this in my archives and deleted the old one I had posted, you're stuck with it now

... but it is better, haha.

Thanks guys, I appreciate it